“I want to listen to you, but I’m starting to take your feedback personally. This discussion will be more constructive if I have a chance to calm myself first.”
“I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. It would really help me to hear you’re on my side and that you care about me.”
“It’s hard for me to understand ‘you-statements’ because my brain thinks I’m being attacked. Can you try using ‘I-statements’ when giving me feedback?”
“I’m noticing myself becoming defensive. Can we re-start this conversation? I’ll try to be more mindful of my words this time.”
“I’m starting to feel angry. I’m going to take some space right now so I don’t say anything hurtful. I’ll come back to check in with you in 20 min.”
Reconnect After a Misunderstanding
“Can we talk about what happened? I want to understand your perspective and help make things right between us.”
“I wanted to reach out and let you know that I’ve been thinking about our friendship lately and I miss spending time together. Can we talk and sort things out?”
“I want to work through this with you. Can you explain how you feel about ____ so I can understand where you’re coming from.”
“I think there may have been a misunderstanding between us. Can we go over what we each understood to clear the air between us?”
“I love you and I don’t want to fight. What can we do to go back to enjoying our relationship/friendship?”
“You mean so much to me. Can we put aside our differences for a while and focus on what we love about each other?”
Phrases to Set Boundaries
"That doesn’t work for me."
"I don’t feel comfortable with that."
"I know it’s an important topic, but i’m not able to talk about it right now."
"I would love to help but I can’t do ____. Is there something else I can do?"
"I’m tired and need rest."
"That has not been my experience."
"I prefer not to say."
"I’m grateful for your advice, but i’m going to try something else."
"Id like to finish explaining my idea, and then i’d be happy to listen to yours."
"No."
"I can only stay for an hour."
"It’s not up for discussion."
"Hold on. Id like to take a break and come back to this conversation after i’ve had some time to think."
"I feel uncomfortable when you touch me that way. If you won’t respect my personal space, I’ll have to leave."
